


How Do You Want To Change The World?

by wirmsoup



Category: South Park
Genre: Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Homophobia, M/M, Religious Guilt, Religious Imagery & Symbolism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:20:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26725804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wirmsoup/pseuds/wirmsoup
Summary: Philip "Pip" Pirrip is a high school boy, who is mostly average. Mostly. (This is the first thing I've ever written, I hope it's okay!!!!)
Relationships: Philip "Pip" Pirrip/Damien Thorn
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	1. Red Drop

September 21st, Friday, 2:35 PM. Second day of Junior year.

I’m sitting in my last class, a Literature history class, when I feel a light tap on the back of my head. I slowly turn my head with a small glare. “Why the hell didn’t you sit with me at lunch, Pip?” A harsh whisper from behind me.  
Damien Thorn. My whiny, smarter, taller, almost better at everything than me friend. He wasn’t my only friend though, thank God. If he was..I would prefer NO friends. I put my index finger to my lips and shush him then turn back to look at the teacher. I hear a little angry noise behind me, but he doesn’t persist.  
“I love new students, because every single one of you has the potential to be someone incredible in history!” Mrs. Merryline droned on. My eyes wandered to the window. What do I even want to achieve? I pondered thoughtfully. My mind went blank while I played with the hole in my sock with my big toe. “Well, one thing is for sure, I definitely don’t want to be a part of the lower class like I am now.” I said inside my head, then felt a wave of sadness. A long arm suddenly reaches from behind me, and drops a piece of paper on my desk. It’s a drawing of me apparently, with cross eyes, a long nose, crooked teeth., two floppy penises for arms, and duck feet. Above the stupid doodle is written, “My BEST Friend PIP” with a smiley face drawn next to it. I pull out a pen and scribble the drawing out, whilst I’m scribbling Damien’s hellish depiction of me out, I feel a sharp poke in my back. This cunt just speared me with his lead pencil. I drop my pen and mumble a “ow”. I look up and the teacher is handing me a paper. I take it in my hands.  
'How Do You Want To Change The World?' Is printed across the top of the assignment. “For the rest of the class, I would like you all to write me a paragraph of what you would like to achieve! It can be anythi-”  
“Well, I wanna be a PORNSTAR!” Eric Cartman, who is seated at the front of the class (for bad behavior) yells out. Mrs. Merryline crosses her arms and pops her hip out.  
“You have to be attractive for that, Cartman!” Kyle Broflovski hollers from a few seats away from me. They both begin to bicker, I block it out and try to concentrate.  
“Piiiippp…” I hear Damien say, in a creepy voice. He loves to try and get under my damn skin every chance he gets. I turn around in my seat and see a big smile on his face, those eyes stare up at me with an honest look. Damien is in fact taller than me, but he slouches, which I constantly scold him for.  
“Yes, Damien? What?” I ask him.  
“What do you wanna be? Some sissy job, like..a nurse?” He says trying to conceal a bigger grin.  
“Actually, I want to be an environmentalist.” I answer back confidentiality. He snorts.  
“Well, that’s fucking stupid. Trying to save a planet that people are actively destroying. The only way to achieve your little dream is to wipe out the human race.”  
“Damien, we’ve discussed this, if we all work tog-” He interrupts me of course.  
“I want to pursue business and make a BUNCH of cash.” Damien says proudly. I nod.  
“Money isn’t everything, you know?” I respond. He looks at me like I had said the most foolish thing he’s ever heard. But then his face softened, and he said a small “yeah”, agreeing. I turn back around and begin to write on my paper. The bell suddenly chimes, making me flinch. I try to quickly scrape my things together, as students yell and rush out of the classroom.  
“Don’t worry Pip, I’m waiting on you.” Damien acts like I need him to survive, and somehow I accidentally feed into that.  
“Thank you.” I put my backpack on. I hear unzipping.  
“Hold onto this for me, ‘kay?” I glare over my shoulder, Damien is shoving his paper into my backpack, and drops his pencil in after.  
“I’m not your mum.”  
“You might as well be!” He slaps me in the back of the head.  
That’s right. Damien doesn’t have a mum. Only a father who would spoil him to the ends of the earth. Shit. Damien hates talking about mums. He’s going to be moody for the rest of the afternoon..  
“Pip, what the hell are you spacing out about? Let’s get going!” I feel my arm get yanked, as I say farewell to Mrs. Merryline and she smiles big at me. We walk quickly down the stairs, I feel Damien’s hand holding onto the back of my backpack. He has attachment issues, obviously. Other students are minding their own business or loudly screaming with their friends about Stan Marsh’s nudes being leaked. “Do you have nudes that are dying to be leaked, Pip my chap?” Damien says, laughing. I smile at him and shake my head. We’re nearing the exit, when the worst thing of my day happens.  
“Philip! Wait up!” As I said, Damien was NOT my only friend, but hell, he might as well be now. Wendy Testaburger rushes over to me and Damien while I’m frozen still. Let me explain. A week ago, I get a message from Wendy. It’s a long paragraph of how she has been pining after me since the end of Sophomore year. We hadn’t spoken since that text. I explained to her my feelings were only platonic, and she had never responded back which made me assume that friendship was over with. Damien is gently trying to shove me out the doors, but I’m stuck. Wendy smiles big, she is wearing an adorable dress with Mary Jane shoes.  
“W-Wendy! Heeyy..what’s up?” I nervously spit out, I feel sweat beading under my pits and on my hands.  
“Can I walk you home today? I think we should talk..” She says, smiling and twirling a long section of her black hair. Damien chimes in, oh thank the heavens.  
“Sorry Wendy, but Pip is all mine for the rest of the afternoon, we have homework we’re doing together.” He says quite sharply. The way he said his sentence honestly annoyed me a tad. Her face becomes dejected and her eyes get a little watery.  
“Oh, that’s fine..can we talk another time, Philip?” She says sadly. God, I can’t say no to people.  
“Um, sure! Tomorrow?” I say. Damien is mentally beating me up, I know it. I hear him exhale loudly. Him and Wendy have never gotten along. One time, they had a battle of who could buy me the best Christmas gift. Damien publicly in front of her mum AND dad told Wendy to kiss his ass at her house where we were celebrating. I had to beg Wendy to even let him come over with me in the first place. She thinks he’s a “bad influence”. Her face immediately brightens and she nods. I’m suddenly pulled in for a hug before I can even exhale my breath. She smells..pretty nice. Like the expensive lotion my grandmother used to use. I mumble a bye, with a red face as she runs off.  
“Pip, you didn't tell me about this..'thing' with Wendy.” Damien says, with a betrayed expression. I shake my head, feeling ill, and head out of the double exit doors. “Hey! Slow. Down!” Damien whines, walking after me. Oh God. I’m going to vomit. I breathe in and out of my nose quickly, decapitating poor twigs as I stomp and crushing leaves under my feet. “What’s wrong? Did you pop a boner? Hey! I’m talking to you!” He grabs the back of my bag once again, but it doesn’t completely stop me. I can feel people looking at me.  
“Stan Marsh said he’d pull my knickers up to my chin if I spoke to Wendy EVER AGAIN.” I whimper.  
“Oh for Christ’s sake, you’re worried about Stan? You’re being a drama queen, you know.” He lets go of my bag and walks ahead of me. I quickly follow behind him, staring at the long, unruly dark hair on that stubborn head of his. We walk on Elm Street, where Damien’s house sits in all its glory.  
“Damien, for some reason, Wendy has a giant crush on me, and she’s told half of the town! All of her friends have been pressuring me and..” He interrupts me like always.  
“Grow some balls! Seriously, am I going to have to get you out of this situation too?” He complains. I feel like a big ass pimple on Damien’s left buttcheek when he speaks to me like this. We turn the corner and walk along his fence. It’s ancient and rusty looking, with the sharp, spear-like tops. Two years ago, the elderly lady next door found her cat impaled on Damien’s fence. She’s always accused him of doing it himself, which is obviously insane. I can see his house between the few trees around it, we arrive and the gate. Damien stands, with his hand deep in his jeans pocket, fishing for his key. “Fuck! It’s gone..oh well.” Suddenly I’m grabbed on my shoulders and tossed over the fence. I let out a yell as I hit the grass.  
“Ow..why did you do that?!” I yell at him, tears welling up in my eyes.  
“Get up, go to the decorative gargoyle, and grab the key! I’m not standing around all day, Pip. Don’t be a baby.” He groans. I slowly stand up and drag myself over to the gargoyle. “Reach your puny hand into its mouth.” I can hear Damien laughing, which pisses me off. I shove my hand into the maw and feel around. I pull out a rusty, icky key. It’s moist. I whip around and glare at Damien.  
“Nice knickers, mate.” Damien screams out through his laughter. I turn my head and look down. There’s a rip in my blue jeans.  
“You know what Damien?” I mumble, lowly. He looks up, confused. It immediately changes to concern. Oh no. I must be crying. I feel the tears running down my face. They’re so warm it’s a bit comforting. I quickly wipe the tears away with my hands. I turn the other direction, not evening caring if he sees my underwear at this point. “You’re such an asshole.”  
“Pip, quit. Bring me the key.” He says with no hint of guilt. I stomp over towards him, and throw the key down at his feet. I finally got a hold of my emotions. Damien scoffs, leans over and picks it up. He messes with the lock on the gate. It makes a ‘pop’ sound, he swings it open and walks past me to his front door. I follow, staring at my feet. Damien unlocks his door, then pushes it open. “We can head up to my room, you can borrow some of my pants. Okay?” He says meekly.  
“Yeah…” I follow him up the steep stairs that have an oriential rug stapled down. We head to the first room on the right.


	2. Serpentskirt

I’ve always adored Damien’s bedroom, maybe because he had freedom over his style choices or maybe because he had great taste. It represented his dark personality, blackout curtains, a dim-able red light, a few plants (that Damien surprisingly treated like his own children.), a flatscreen television, neat things on his wall. Honestly I could look around his room forever and notice new quirks. Right now, he’s digging through his messy pile of laundry while I stare around at the room. I gently set my backpack down.  
“I think these’ll fit you.” Instead of throwing them, he hands them over. “Just put them on in here,”  
“No way!” I immediately protest, clutching the pants tight.  
“Why not? I mean I’ll only be seeing those skinny legs of yours. What? Do you shave them or something?” He teases. I turn and leave the room, headed for Damien’s bathroom right across the hall. He yells after me that he was only joking as I close the door. Of course, the bathroom is beautiful too. It’s giant! Four people could fit in his shower at once..oh dear, I’m ogling his house again. I quickly unbutton my jeans, let them drop to the floor, and politely step out of them. While I’m pulling Damien’s baggy black jeans on, the door is getting pounded on. “Need some help Pip? What’s taking so long?” God, Damien is so whiny. I'm almost certain he has attachment issues.   
“I spaced out again..” I finish pulling them up and button them. I open the door slowly and peek at Damien. He sticks his tongue at me and pulls the rest of the door open.  
“You better give those back. I still haven’t seen my favorite shirt.”  
“I haven't had a chance to wash it!” That was a lie and I think Damien knew it too. When my mum found the Black Sabbath shirt..she grabbed me by my arm and forced me to throw it into the fireplace myself, and when my dad got home-  
“Hello, Earth to Pip?” Damien is waving his hand in front of my face.   
“Oh..sorry.”  
“Let’s start on that stupid assignment.” We walk back into Damien’s room. He opens my backpack and dumps everything onto the floor.  
“Really?” I say. He shrugs. Damien finds his crumbled paper and tries to smooth it out. He starts to visibly get frustrated. “What did I tell you about just tossing your things wherever?”  
“Shut your mouth.” He growls, aggressively trying to smooth it out.  
“Damien, it’s okay. Here, you can have my paper. Just erase what I’ve written.” I smile and hand him my sheet. He takes it.  
“ ‘I want to bring the world and environment to harmony’, Pip what is this gay shit?” He chuckles. I frown.  
“Damien, the icecaps are melting.”  
“Where is that pencil? Ugh..” I hand him mine and he starts erasing what I’ve written. I watch him, curiously. My phone starts to buzz in my pants. Damien drops everything he’s doing and races me over to my ripped pants that were discarded on his floor. We play fight for my phone, and Damien yanks it from me.   
“One new message from Wendy- let me say something!”   
‘Damien! Hand it over NOW.” I slap him in the arm repeatedly, then I chase him around the room. Damien runs over and jumps onto his bed, standing on it trying to unlock my phone.  
“Ew! You’re standing on the bed with shoes!” I yell, while quickly pulling my sneakers off.  
“Dammit, I’m locked out. Wait a minute until next tr-” I cut Damien off by running at him with full force, knocking him over. He still has a hold of my phone. Damien suddenly grabs my hand and then my middle finger, forcing it onto the fingerprint ID. He holds me back with his over arm while he types quickly. I crawl up his body attempting to snatch it back. Damien shrieks and literally throws my phone at the wall. “GET OFF ME! AHHH! You’re way too close!”   
“What’s wrong? I thought by the look you were giving Wendy you’d want to have a little makeout sesh with me later!” I yell through laughter. He doesn’t find it too funny, and kicks me off. I rush over to my phone and pick it up.  
“Let me clarif-”  
I interupt him. “You broke my cell phone..oh Damien, you didn’t have to break it out of jealousy for Wendy! I would never, EVER even be interested in her, my love!” I say sarcastically, quite pissed.  
“Enough with the gay jokes, okay?! I’ll buy you a new phone!” He whines. I stop and think. I really don’t care about my phone..but my parents are going to kill me. The grin leaves my face. I realize I’m also going home wearing Damien’s pants.  
“Pip? Hey? What’s wrong? I really didn’t mean to break it..” I can feel myself getting dizzy, oh God. I’m fucked, I’m fucked! I can’t control my breathing.  
“Pip. Relax. What is-” As I stare at Damien with wide eyes, I start to see blue dots in my vision. I feel..so tired. "My parents are going to kill me."  
"Let's be realistic. That's kinda of extreme.." He trails off, his face growing concerned. I slide down onto the floor against the wall. He walks over and sits in front of me. I feel like vomiting, and passing out. I also feel like fleeing the United States. I rest the back of my head against the wall, staring at my lap. "You still with me? I'll go grab you some water." He stands up, I can feel those eyes on me. I watch his legs disappear from view. I lean my head up towards the ceiling and close my eyes. This small moment of peace I do appreciate. I'm trying to block out the likely outcomes that will follow later. As much as I feel like crying I'm at a point where tears won't come and I would rather not embarrass myself in front of Damien again. He remembers stuff like this. He doesn't tease when he knows it's serious usually, but he changes his behavior a little more every time I have a meltdown. I think I rely too much on him. I hear his footsteps approaching the room. "Pip. Hey.." He sits next to me. "Can you drink some water for me?" I look over at him, feeling dizzy. He slowly hands the cool glass to me. I take tiny sips. "I have an idea.." I glance in his direction.

"Why not just stay the night?"


	3. Wish Fufillment

“Damien, that is the most foolish idea I’ve ever heard of.” I set the empty glass onto the floor next to me.

“Listen, I know your parents aren’t a fan ‘cause of the whole Wendy thing but..I don’t know, tell them you’re working on a school project or something!” He holds himself up like his plan is genius, and the bad part is it’s starting to convince me. It’s..worth a try though, right?

“Okay..okay.” I nod, determined. Damien excitedly jumps up. I watch him do some tapping on his phone. Funny thing, he knows my password but I don’t know his. He made up an excuse about how he needs his ‘privacy’. I watch him dial my parents’ phone number, then hand it over to me. I hold onto the phone tightly with my clammy hands, pressing the cold surface to my ear. Those anticipating rings. Damien was staring at me intently. 

“Hello, this is the Pirrip home?” My mother’s cold but sickingly sweet voice.

“Mum! Uh, hey, hello..” The sweat on my hands has only increased.

“Oh, Philip! Hello dear, what’s going on? Why are you calling from a different number?”

“I’m at Damien’s house, working on schoolwork..I was just wondering- you can of course say no, if I could stay the night so we can finish it?”

**_SILENCE._ **

“Did you say  **_Damien_ ** ?” 

“Uh, yeah..”

“I don’t see why not! It isn’t a school night so I think it will be fine. Though if your father is angry you’ll have to deal with that.” He probably will be. It’s fine, it’s this or something else.

“Oh, thank you Mum! Thank you!” I say, feeling the weight leave. 

“Remember to be on your best behavior.” Her tone gets sharp. The phone suddenly beeps into my ear.

“Did she say yes?!” I look over at Damien and roll my eyes.

“What do you think, knucklehead?” He furrows his brows.

“Cool. Well, fuck this assignment. Let’s do something fun.” Damien suddenly pulls me up by my arm. He crushes my poor paper under his shoe, headed towards the door. 

“It’s starting to get dark outside!” I protest. When he gets excited, it’s like a 3-month old puppy.

“Even better! I have a place we can go.” That assured voice, nothing could stop him. If only I realized sooner..yep. We’re already out the front door, and it is FREEZING. 

“You don’t have to drag me anymore,” I yank my arm from his grip. He huffs in response, collides through the gate like a crazed bull; then turns right down the street. Following, I can see my breath bouncing back into my face. “How far are we walking?” 

“Ugh, you gonna start complaining?” His eyes glare back at me. I shake my head ‘no’. “Not too far. We’re close.” I can see the elementary school park coming into view. 

“The park?”

“Nope. The school.” 

“What? Why?”

“It’s a  SURPRISE. ” We walk into the school parking lot and around the back to the dumpsters. Damien climbs up without much hassle. “All right, I’ll pull you up.” He extends his arm to me, holding his hand out. I grab it tightly. 

“Damien- aGh!” He yanks me up so quickly I fall forwards onto the top of the dumpster. I can hear his snickering. “You jerk!” I push myself back onto my feet, and glare at him. That mouth contorts into a grin and those piercing eyes glare right back. My chest started to feel weird, so I looked at the brick wall.

“Okay, I’ll pull you up once I get on the roof. I’m gonna step on that window ledge, and hold onto the railing. Make sure you do the same.” He is already in motion. I watch him gracefully do his little steppy steps and climb onto the roof successfully, disappearing from my view.

“Damien?” I speak his name into the cold air. No response. Going once..going twice…

“Yeah?” His head is looking down from above, that smile still plastered on his face. “Coming up?” I glance at the window ledge then make my way over just as he directed. My fingers hold on tightly to the railing above my head. I feel hands grab my wrists. “I’ll pull you up slowly!” He reassures. Why do I trust this idiot? I make it onto the roof safely somehow. “Close your eyes!” 

“Why..?”

“Just do it!” I groan and close my eyes. “Okay, look up.” I do. “You can open them now!”

Stars..so many stars. When was the last time I stopped and looked?

“Oh..how lovely.” I feel myself involuntarily smiling.

“Thought you’d like it. Stars don’t really pique my interest, so..”

I sit down slowly, not taking my eyes off the sky. He sits next to me. 

“They’re mesmerizing! It’s nice up here,” I look in front of me, and around the roof. Then at Damien. “Thank you so much. I needed this solitude.” I’m smiling so big my face kinda hurts. He shrugs. Then leans back and lies on his back. I do the same. 

“You know what’s weird?” 

“No?”

“That everyone on Earth has looked at the same sky. The same stars. The same sun.”

“Huh..I suppose that’s true.”

"Are you happy?" That question kind of catches me off guard.

"I mean, I think so?" He doesn't respond, but totally switches the conversation.

“Are you cold?” Damien asks, turning his head towards me. I realized, I’m slightly trembling. Maybe from the cold or the adrenaline from climbing a roof.

“Aren’t you?” I ask. He merely laughs in response, and presses his warm hand into my neck. I feel like I’ve been electrified, immediately pulling away. “Why are they so hot!?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe it’s ‘cause I’m sexy.”

“You’re full of it.” I sit up, sighing. Why do I react like that when he touches me? I think I’m touch starved.

“Well, wanna go back to my place and watch a movie? I’d rather commit arson but y’know, can’t do the usual with my pansy sidekick.” He stands up. I do the same and dust off my pants. The climb back down is much easier. We walk back to his house in silence. There is either a thick air between us, or I’m crazy. We head to his car. I climb into the passenger side and look over at him. I catch myself staring at the side of his face as he puts the key into the ignition.

“You’re glowing..” I blurt out. Why the fuck did I just say that. My stomach drops.

“Not really,” He replies back flatly. “Honestly Pip, you look like my shoe..” I frown and punch his arm. We back out of his driveway and down the road we go.

“Can I turn the radio on?”  
“No, I’m trying to concentrate.”

“Damien. You’re just driving down the street.”

“I hate your music taste. Don’t touch the radio.” I sit back in my seat and sink down dramatically to annoy him more. Unfortunately I don’t get a reaction and he drives quietly. We pull into the local South Park gas station where everyone decides to hangout. The goth kids are standing around in the parking lot, smoking who knows what. Damien hops out of the car, and I do the same. 

“Hey, Philip!” Henrietta waves at me. Damien and I walk over. I smile and give a little wave. Gosh, I had such a big crush on her in middle school. We head into the gas station, the ugly lights illuminate the inside. 

“Okay, so we need chips, drinks, icecream..” Damien says, counting fingers like a kindergartner.

“I’ll get ice cream!” I’m already walking towards the small freezer section. I pull out two miniature tubs, cookie dough and chocolate. Cookie dough is Damien’s all time favorite. I head over to the drink area and examine the options. Damien comes up behind me with two bags of chips in his arms. I prop the fridge door open with my arm and grab an orange soda. Damien reaches down and snatches up Pepsi. 

“I’ll get a pack of drinks too.”

“Can we get ginger ale?”

“Pip, that’s sissy soda. We’re getting RC Cola.” 

“Awww..please?”

“Okay, fine.” He grabs a small pack of ginger ale and we head to checkout. The woman looks tired and like she hates her job. She probably has to deal with punks like Damien constantly. She quickly checks us out and tosses our items sloppily in plastic bags. I carry most of the stuff back to the car. We sit in the parking lot for a moment. “I think junk food is disgusting. Humans eat it as a quick, small gratification to make their miserable lives slightly better.”

“Then why are you going to consume it, Mr. Melancholy?” I tease. He stammers, unable to answer. I smile and stick my tongue out a little.

“I’ll rip that tongue of yours out.”

“I love you too, Damien.” I watch out the window. We make it back to his house and race one another up the stairs. We set the bags on his bed. “Can I have some pajamas?”  
“You never bring your own damn pajamas..” He grumbles and opens his closet.

“Oh Damien, I like wearing your clothes. They smell like you.”

“Pip, that’s really weird.” He stutters back, pulling out a shirt and a pair of pants.

“You smell like campfire. It..reminds me of church camp.” I say, smiling at the good memory.

“Church camp, what a blast.” He tosses the clothes onto his bed. I pick them up. I pull my shirt over my head and fold it. “Pip, what the fuck are you doing?”

“Changing?” I respond, sliding my pants off. He rolls his eyes and fights with his television remote.

“This damn TV..” I slide Damien’s shirt over my skin, then pull the soft, flannel pajama pants on. Damien glances my way and I notice his short stare. He quickly looks back to the remote. I set my clothes on top of his dresser then plop onto his bed, excitedly pulling out my snacks and Damien’s. The TV’s screen suddenly turns on. “Got it!” Damien says proudly, then sits down next to me. 

“Can we watch Scream? I’ve never seen it!” 

“I guess so. I’ll be right back, I’m gonna grab spoons for the ice cream.” He hands me the remote then leaves the room. I quickly hop up. Time to snoop! I giggle and walk over to Damien’s nightstand. He NEVER lets me open it. I quietly pull the drawer open.

“..my shirt?” Inside laid a shirt I had gifted to Damien after my parents said I couldn’t wear shirts with provocative bands. There were many little things I gifted him over the years. Pressed flowers, little doodles, hair clips. I quickly closed it and hurried back to the bed.“I’m back.” Damien comes back into the room, and hands me a spoon. He sits next to me. “Why didn’t you get the movie on?”

“I spaced out!” I said quickly. He picks the remote up and opens Netflix. I watch him type “Scream” into the search bar. I worm crawl to the back of Damien’s bed and prop myself against all the pillows. He does the same next to me. Damien leans over and turns off his lamp, then activates the comforting red light. I hand him his soda and pop open mine.

“Pip?” He asks with a concerned tone. The beginning credits are showing.

“Yes?”

“Promise me one thing.”

“Uh-huh.”

“No matter whatever happens..don’t stop being yourself.”

“Damien! That’s cheesy.”  
“You’re just..a pushover sometimes.”

“Hey!-” 

“Shush! The movie’s starting.” Damien smiles, I shoot him a small glare.

I take a small sip of my drink and stare up at the TV. Damien aggressively opens his bag of chips and starts to chomp.

“Close your mouth Damien, that’s really gross.”

“Make me.” He teases, then crunches down on another chip. I pinch him in his side, causing him to shriek. 

“That’s what I thought.” I boast, with a grin.

“I could CRUSH you, Pip.”

“You won’t.” He grumbles in response and scoots away. I open my bag of chips and begin to eat them, but I eventually have enough, roll them up, and set them to the side. I grab my tub of chocolate ice cream and rip the top of it off. “Damien, if you don’t eat your ice cream, it’ll melt.” He grunts in response and picks his cookie dough nastiness up. I dig into my ice cream, then look over at Damien. I watch him slowly and strangely eat his. This is almost erotic. I look back down at mine and finish it. Watching Damien makeout with his icecream was enough for me. Even though it was kinda cute. I moved over onto my side a bit and sneakily close my eyes while Damien focuses on the movie.

“Pip..wake up. Go to the guest bed.” I feel so heavy. Did he really wake me up for THAT?

“No.” I growl, and start to shimmy underneath his blankets. 

“Fine. There isn’t enough room though, and if you steal all of the blankets I’ll boot your ass with no hesitation.” I feel him next to me, turned away. I smile, this is the safest I could ever feel. I’ve never had a consistent best friend like him..I’m so happy.


	4. Hair of the Dog

The sound of a soft hymn rings through my ears, it’s comforting. Like my mother’s caress against my hair..

**_“There is power, power, wonder-working power….”_ **

_...why can’t I move? _

I try to pull my heavy head from whatever hard ass floor it’s found itself upon. Through lidded, puffy eyelids I can see the red carpet, crimson as blood. 

**_“In the blood of the Lamb..”_ **

I stubbornly force my tired arm to push myself up. The church? What am I doing here? Before I can piddle around in my thoughts any longer, I realize how bad this situation is. In front of me is a group of people, more than ten maybe? They’re wearing weird dresses, every single one. I can’t make out their faces but..

**_“There is power, power, wonder-working power..”_ **

“This is a remarkable offering from the Pirrip family. They immediately volunteered in last week’s mass.” 

“I can’t believe they gave their boy up so easily!”

“The rewards are greater than the sacrifice. This is what we’ve been anticipating.”

The voices are quite familiar..this has to be a misunderstanding, my mother would never..

**_“In the precious blood of the Lamb.”_ **

_ A distinct voice finishes the song, that distinct voice.. _

**_“Damien..!”_ ** In front of my eyes standing over me. There is something horribly wrong. Horribly eerie. Maybe it’s the way those eyes are looking at me with bloodlust, or maybe it’s the glimmering dagger held tightly in his right hand.

“....Pip, get your lazy ass up. You left trash all over my bed.” I feel his cold hand on my arm. I jolt upright, see him and shriek. It startles him and he falls backwards. “What the fuck!” He stares at me like I’m a madman. 

“I, I had a nightmare..”

“No shit sherlock. That scream could deafen babies.” I’m too uncomfortable to glare at him, and he seems to notice.”Uh, are you, y’know, okay?” I nod my head. “Wanna talk about it over breakfast?” My stomach rumbles on cue.

“Sure!” I’m up and already out of the bedroom before he can get in another word. I slow down and wait on Damien once I get to the stairs. 

“Geez, thanks for waiting on me I guess.” I playfully push him, then sprint down the stairs. I zip to the kitchen, politely pull out one of the beautiful mahogany chairs, and set down. Damien walks into the room, looking disgruntled. 

“May I have toast and my favorite cuppa?” I say VERY sweetly.

“Of course..” He is trying to hide a smile. I watch him walk over to his coffee pot and press the button. That thing must be more than a hundred dollars at least-

“Damien!” I say abruptly, interrupting him from turning on the stovetop for the kettle. 

“Whaaaat?”  
“Don’t use the same old water from who knows how long ago! First of all, ew, second of all, the tea-”

“The tea’s flavor won’t be ‘as delicious’? Give me a break.”

“But,” He replaces the water, I smile. “Thanks!”

“When did I become your maid?”  
“That’s what friends are for.”

“Who said I was your friend?” I frown and cross my arms. Damien begins to giggle.

“I’m your only friend, Damien.”

“Nope.”

“Hey, did your dad send you that money?” Damien eyes me, as he plugs in the toaster.

“Quit being nosy about my dad.”

“But, he seems sooo cool! He is an acclaimed scientist, right? Next time he visits, I want to meet him.”

“That will be never. I don’t want to talk about my dad anymore, okay?” I can tell the atmosphere has changed just by Damien’s body language. His shoulders are tense and he won’t take his eyes off the bread that’s slowly cooking.

“I’m sorry..” I say quietly. He ignores my apology and sets my cup in front of me. I hold my face over the steaming cup to let the warmth coat my face. Next a glass plate with strawberry toast is set down. Damien sits in the chair next to me, with his cup of coffee. He looks at my cup with disgust. “Don’t you say a word. Coffee makes your breath reek.”

“But it’s so gooood..” I shake my head defiantly, and take a sip of the warm liquid. One of my favorite parts about tea has to be the warmthness spread from my head to my toes. “We should go do something today. The park?”

“That sounds nice! But isn’t it chilly out? This empty house is cold enough.”

“You can wear one of my jackets, crybaby.” I huff and focus on my breakfast. “Hey, what about that dream?” 

“It was..really bad. You were in it.”

“Jesus Christ, am I that scary?”

“I think you were going to kill me.” His eyes widened. Silence and the faucet dripping are the only things in this stuffy room. Suddenly, he bursts into laughter.

“I wouldn’t ever kill you. That’d be too easy. No fun in that.” I roll my eyes.

“I’m serious, Damien. It was really weird..”

“It was just a dream. Quit being paranoid. I wouldn’t ever let anything bad happen to you.” At that moment, I really did believe him. Was I a fool? Some may say. Do I regret it? I could never. I eat my toast completely, and Damien finishes his coffee. 

“Can I have some fresh cloooothes?”

“I feel like a babysitter!” Damien groans. I follow him up the stairs. Don’t look at his butt, don’t look at his butt.

“Can I pick my outfit?”

“Considering you dress like a grandpa, no.” I frown. I mean, he’s not wrong. I sit on the bed and watch him thoughtfully look at different shirts. “I’ll let you wear my Fugazi shirt.”

“I feel honored.” He throws it at my face, along with a pair of black cargo pants. “Can I have a pair of socks too?”  
“Pip. Whenever I let you borrow socks, I NEVER see them again.”

“Damien, I could get athlete’s foot!”

“Fine!” He throws a pair of socks at me. 

“Your feet are really smelly.”

“Hurry up and get dressed. I’ll be downstairs.” He leaves the room. I stand there for a moment, then take a deep breath. I change out of his pajamas and into a new set of his clothing. I fold the pajamas and set them in his messy dirty laundry basket. I slide the socks on, and head out of the room. Damien is sitting down next to the front door, trying to force his yellow Vans onto his feet. I kneel in front of him.

“Here, I’ll untie them and tie them back.”

“I can do it myself.” I can tell he’s getting heated. Little stuff gets to him..I go ahead and untie the shoelaces for each shoe, then wait for him to slide them on. Afterwards, I tie them neatly back. 

“There we go!” I stand up, and smile. I reach my hand out to him, he takes it then I pull him up. I can tell he wants to say thank you. But he doesn’t. Damien grabs his favorite coat from the wall, hands it to me, then grabs a different one. I follow him out of the front door after sliding my shoes on. I glance at the dew on the grass. Then at the back of Damien’s unruly hair.

“We need to get you a new cell phone..” 

“Well, at least I won’t be getting spam texted by Wendy!” I laugh. We’re walking side by side.

“Do you like her?” He’s asked that question before, many other people have to. 

“You see..I do like Wendy, she’s a very valuable friend to me! But lately..I dunno, everyone pressuring me constantly..I just want to hide away forever.”

“It’s no one’s business what you do, Pip. You do whatever you want.” I look at him, he’s staring at the sidewalk ahead. Damien acts like he’s indifferent, but I know he-

“I want what you want.” I feel myself soften. 

“Damien..thank you.” He glances at me then shrugs.

“It just seems like everyone wants you to do what they want. I get it. That’s how my dad is with deadlines.” I laugh, such a lighthearted conversation. Or so I thought at the time.

“Last one to the swings is a rotten egg!” I yell, Damien stumbles, but I’m already way ahead of him. I triumphantly set my caboose on the left swing. 

“You cheated.” Damien spits out, sitting down grumpily beside me. I kick off his leg into the air and start swinging my legs. He swings too, but all over the place. This doesn’t last long, because he slams into me, causing me to fly onto the ground. 

“Ow!” I whine, and sit up. I glare at Damien, who has a ‘cry about it’ smile on his face. “You know, it’s kinda nice not having a cell phone.” 

“I only use mine to contact you.” And his dad right? I decide to not ask. I stand up and wander over to the tree line.  **_Whack._ ** Damien’s pinecone victim collides with my cheek. I act quickly and dart for the treelines. This is war. I grab two pinecones in my hands then whip my head around to look for Damien. I peek from behind the tree. “Where the hell did he g-”  **_Whack._ ** I shriek and cover the top of my head, then make a beeline out of the trees. I turn around and see Damien up in my tree. “Hey,” I feel my face getting red. “That’s cheating..” 

“Aww, getting mad are we? How old are you?” He says with a mean ass tone I don’t really appreciate.

“You’re one to fucking talk, Damien!” He starts to climb down, when his foot gets caught on a stub of the tree. Damien flips and smacks onto the ground. I gasp in surprise and quickly walk over to him. “Um..Damien?” There’s a leaf sitting nicely in his mess of black hair. Holy shit. I can feel his anger. A chill runs down my back. 

“I’m okay.” The air feels calm again. I plop down next to him. He’s staring at the ground. I gently brush the leaf out of his hair. “Hey! Don’t touch my hair!” He whines, smacking my arm away. 

“Don’t be a baby. There was a leaf!” I protest. “I wasn’t touching your hair for my enjoyment.” I cross my arms. I think Damien enjoyed it more than I did. 

“Sure you weren’t. Don’t get all gay on me, Pip.” I stand up and kick him in the side, then run. I can hear him screaming empty threats at me while I crawl through the playground thing escaping him. I hop off the side and-

**_SMACK._ **

I’m knocked backwards onto my arse. 

“Watch the hell where you’re going, you stupid little queer!” Great, of all people I ran into it had to be Eric Cartman. I hadn’t run into him much last school year because we didn’t have any classes together, well, except that one time in the bathroom….

“Hey, aren’t you going to apologize?!” Cartman squeals. 

“Cartman, lay off. It was an accident.” Kenny McCormick is leaning against the metal playground pole. Cartman makes an angry grunt then stomps away. “You alright? You hit that tub of lard hard, man.” Kenny extends a hand out to me. I take it cautiously. 

“I’m good..” I say, I feel like vomiting.

“Are you on a date with loverboy?” Kenny says suggestively, a smile creeping onto his face.

“Uh, no!” I snap.

“Ah, you’re wearing his clothes though..” He wiggles his eyebrows at me. No. No. No. No. I feel my cheeks getting hot. “Anyways, Wendy’s flipping. She’s posted passive aggressive texts on her Snap story all last night and I’m pretty sure they’re directed towards you.”

“Damien broke my phone last night, actually.”

“Oh? Did you two get into one of your marital fights?”

“Kenny!” He laughs at my flustered demeanor. Then turns his attention to Damien, who walks over and stands next to me. 

“Damien, we were just talking about ya!” He elbows him playfully. Damien gives Kenny a look that makes him stop smiling.

“Kenny, we need to talk sometime, it’s important.” Kenny just nods in silent understandment. I look at Kenny, then Damien. 

“What’s the big secret?” I furrow my brows.

“A surprise birthday party for you!” Kenny says.

“My birthday’s in March..” I say confused. 

“Pip, let’s go get you a new phone. Then we’ll get your stuff from my house. Then you’re going back to YOUR house, you leech.” I glare. “See you, Kenny.”

“Bye y’all!” Kenny hurries off in Cartman’s direction. I shoot Damien a look for his comment, but he’s already headed away. I quickly catch up to him.

“Hey, Damien?”

“What?”

“Thank you, for letting me sleepover.”

“It’s no biggie. I had fun.” His hands are stuffed into his pockets. I look for a little too long. “Pip, are you nervous about church tomorrow?” For fuck’s sake. I completely forgot.

“Um..”

“You can be honest with me, you know that? Nothing bad will happen, okay?” Isn’t God listening? Always listening?

“I don’t want to go.” I blurt out.

“I don’t blame you. That place sucks.” He replies flatly.

“I think there’s something going on that I’m excluded from. Like..they’re going to surprise baptise me or something.” Damien seemed to stiffen up.

“It’ll be fine.” We walk in silence for a little while. I admire the sun peeking through the leaves of the trees, and the birds that are having their normal conversations. We turn into Damien’s yard, through the gate, and into the house. He helps me get my things together. I keep his cargo pants on. I’ll just explain to my mum about the pants. I grab my backpack and we head to his car, then to Walmart. “Pick whatever you want. The price doesn’t matter.” We stand in the technology aisle. 

“Hm..okay! What about this?” 

“An LG huh? Fine with me. Not a bad price either. Grab a case.”

“Oh, Damien! This one has a seahorse!”

“Geez, then grab it! Let’s get out of here. Crowds make me nervous.” I snatch it up and we head through the checkout, oddly enough. I feel watched the entire time. 

“The wind’s picked up, is it supposed to rain?” I ask, as we walk away from the doors.

“Maybe, I never check the weather.” The ride to my house is quiet. I mostly look out the window. Damien pulls into my driveway. “You know my number. Once you get that thing set up, you can text me.” 

“I will definitely. Thank you, Damien!” I say again, grabbing my bag then hopping out of his car. I’m feeling dejected having to separate from him. I wave as he pulls out, and drives off. There it is, my porch. My front door. I take a deep breath, twisting the icy doorknob.


	5. Lay a Little Light on Me

  
  


You know that feeling where you have to do something, but it’s almost like it’s the hardest thing in the world? Even if it’s so simple. Taking steps.

“Philip dear! Hello my love.” My mother was near the door, almost as if she knew of my arrival. I am already quite sweaty. She embraces me in a hug. I stand there awkwardly, trying to hold her back. “What are those dreadful pants you are wearing?!” She leans back to gawk at my trousers.

“Oh, my pants ripped while Damien and I were outside..”  
“Did they? Let not your father see! Give them to me so I can sew them.” She pulls me by my arm to the laundry room, where her “sewing station” is also set up. I place my backpack on the floor, unzip it and pull my pitiful garment out, handing them to her. “Oh, this isn’t that bad! Nothing some stitching can’t do.” That went surprisingly well..

“Well, I’m going to go up to my room now, and do some reading..”

“Make sure you read two chapters to make up for yesterday, boy.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” I reply, pick my bag back up and quickly but politely leave the room. I cautiously walk up the stairs. I don’t think my dad is home right now..I’m safe. I feel myself relax instantly in this realization. I walk into my open room, and set my bag down. I empty its contents on my bed. I see Damien’s crumpled assignment paper roll onto my blanket. My heart melts, like butter. I reach out and pick it up, gently smoothing it out. I read those scribbled words. I see doodles at the bottom of the page. Little men with swords, a cat, and a business man with a block of cheese for a head. I dramatically fall back onto my bed, pretending I’m a teenage girl in an 80’s romcom. I look up at the paper, then let it fall onto my chest. I close my eyes and inhale a deep breath. Five minutes feels like an eternity, but I finally I lift myself onto my feet. I put dirty clothes from yesterday in my hamper, and change out of Damien’s clothes from today. I gently fold them and place them inside my dresser. I can smell his scent on my clothes, and it’s quite nice..Oh God, what am I thinking? Okay, I need to read. Get. Out. Of. My. Head. Thoughts. I retrieve the Holy Book from my bedside table, and set my tush in my armchair. I find the section we’re currently studying. We left off at around the beginning of Jude, I think. Oh, how I do enjoy reading about monsters and angels. That is my favorite part. I glance over to the window, the sun setting is making my white walls appear golden. I set the book down and wander back over to my bed. I fold Damien’s paper and place it inside of my pillow case. Stretching out on the twin mattress, I feel very sleepy. I’ll retreat back into the confines of my mind, where Damien and I are back in his room, and we’re..

**_“Would you be free from the burden of sin?”_ **

Ah, I’ve seem to find myself in the same hellish dream I experienced last night. Ugh..for God’s Sake. I feel really warm for some reason, no, not just any kind of warm, like a relaxing bath water warm. Ew. I raise my heavy head up. 

**_“Would you o’er evil a victory win?”_ **

I peek over the side of the box I’m inside, it’s the same room. But no one else is there. I don’t know if that’s for better or worse. I can barely see my surrounds from the dimly lit candles anyways. It seems I am in fact inside of a bathtub covered in some sticky black oil.

**_“I couldn’t let them go through with it. With you..”_ **

A horrible noise rings through the space, I instantly place my hands over my tender ears. It increasingly gets louder, the room is suddenly bright, a flame from a candle has caught a drape, flame devours the entire curtain. I watch in horror. Fire spreads quicker than a blink, I feel my skin burning but I’m not dying. I feel my throat closing in but I’m not waking up.

**_“Behold, revel in the child of life!”_ **

I am awoken by my father’s face extremely close to mine. He’s shaking my thin frame by the shoulders with his hands.

“Wake up, boy!” I grab his wrists with my sweaty hands. He releases me and steps back. I look up at him, confused. “You were having a night terror, probably from watching horror movies with that idiot friend of yours. It is dinner time, son. Be down shortly.” I watch him walk away, still dazed. My flannel pants are sticking to the sweat caked on my legs, same with my shirt. I stumble onto my feet and hurriedly walk to the bathroom. Turning on chill water, I splash my face. It was just a dream. A dream. I look up in the mirror for a moment, staring into my own pupils. I don’t recognize the face with that anxious expression. I turn the water off and rush downstairs. My mum and dad are already seated, I quickly join them. Baked potatoes and meatloaf. I absolutely despise meatloaf. I think my mum secretly does too.

“Let’s join our hands in prayer.” My father announces, taking my mother’s hand and my left one. My mother gently holds my right. “Lord, make us truly thankful for these and all other blessings. I ask this in  Jesus Christ's name. Let our boy continue to be healthy and strong inside his soul, and physically too, Father. Amen.” We all release hands. I stare begrudgingly at my plate, with the sad filmsy meatloaf. I eat quietly, forcing myself to swallow the bland food. You have to finish your entire plate, wasting is bad. It’s also never allowed. “Philip, you disappeared from your mother’s location map on her cellphone.” My stomach sinks, I now feel more nauseous and it’s not just from this shitty food.

“Well, my phone broke actually..” 

“Did it? I suppose from your own carelessness. You will not be receiving another anytime soon, young man.” I nod agreeing. I suppose I’ll have to keep Damien’s gift a secret.

“How was Damien’s house, dear?” My mother’s gentle voice. I feel myself lighten a bit.

“It was very good. I had a good time.” Keep your answers short. That’s for the best.

“What about that Wendy girl? Haven’t seen her around in a while. She’s a cute thing.”

“In fact, her mother mentioned to me on the phone, that you broke her heart!” My mother said, glaring at me with such an accusatory face. Both sets of eyes were on me.

“W-well, you see..I only like her as a friend, nothing more.” I say my words rather quickly, rather nervously.

“That’s no good. No wonder other parents think you’re a homosexual. You know how they feel boy, with that mop of hair being on your head. Not to mention that..ornery kid you choose to hang around.” My mother is watching my father speak. 

“But dad, Damien is my best friend. He’s good company-”

“I’ve seen you two around one another, it makes me sick.” Maybe, I should shut up. I feel shame creeping onto the back of my neck.

“Damien is my friend.” The rudeness that came from my lips was noticeable. 

“Are you seriously getting an attitude with me? I’m not in the mood to properly discipline your back talk tonight. I think that’s enough dinner for you. Room.” I stand up quickly, almost knocking my chair over. My feet fly to the stairs, but lightly enough so I am not stomping. I close my bedroom door behind me. The only light in my room now is from the streetlight located near my window. I go over to the not so neat anymore bed, and lie back down. Sometimes I wish I was a popcorn ceiling. Life would be so simple. I can’t believe my dad would imply I have such feelings for my most precious friend, it makes me a little mad. But if I get mad, that’ll just make me look guilty. I don’t need Wendy. I don’t need a girlfriend. I just want to spend all of my time with Damien, is that so bad? I glance over to my window, and swear I see a face. I yelp and fall plumb straight onto the floor. Holy shit. There was eyes. Okay, don’t be a pussy. Don’t..just look. I place my hands on the top of my bed, and slowly raise my head up so I can see. Pressed up against my window, is Damien’s squashed face. I suddenly feel a rush of joy. My legs spring up from the floor and I practically prance over to that window. I flick the lock and try to push the glass pane open with my pitiful hands. Damien aids from the other side of the barrier, finally, it slides up. I look down at him with a childish grin, then I grab his arms to pull him inside. The fabric of his shirt is frigid cold. 

“Damien! What on Earth!” I exclaim, whisper yelling. He returns the grin, hands still on my shoulders. 

“Pip, oh my buddy oh chap. I could just kiss ya right now!” I squirm, afraid of that actually happening. 

“What are you doing? What are you doing climbing my house? You could’ve fell and gotten hurt!” I scold him, furrowing my brows. My hands are still holding his elbows.

“I was worried about you. You never texted me. I figured you got into some trouble, also my dad is bugging me.” He groans. 

“You need to be careful, and don’t ignore your poor dad.”

“He’s getting on my fucking nerves. Telling me what to do constantly. I’m my own person, not his puppet..” Damien releases my shoulders, he’s eyeing me with..a very scary look. I curve my lips into a smile, and put my arms around his middle. He jumps a bit. 

“You are your own person. Damien, you’re so out of control, I don’t think gravity could hold you down. I, I mean that in a good way of course..” Suddenly, he reciprocates the hug, placing his arms around my shoulders. 

“And you’re so grounded, right Philip?” We’re so close right now, I feel like I can’t breathe, in a good way.

“It doesn’t matter what your dad, or anyone else wants. It matters what you want, and I’ll always support you.” I feel his breath brush against my ear, a shiver runs down my neck and my spine. The air feels weird, like we should be doing something else..

“Are we about to kiss right now?” Damien begins to giggle. I shove him away, narrowing my eyes. “That wasn’t nice. What happened to sappppy Piiip..” I cross my arms. 

“Like I’d let YOU be my first kiss.” 

“The fuck’s that supposed to mean?”  
“You’d do it out of pity, or like a competition.” His face flashes a wave of hurt, then he looks away.

“Want me to help set up your phone?” He sits on my bed, kicking off his shoes. 

“I guess..” I set down next to him, a little too close on accident. I pull the phone from underneath my mattress, a good hiding place. I place it in his hand. Damien is tapping on the screen, the artificial light illuminating his serious face. I stare, ogle at him. “My parents would kill me if they found you in here.” He smirks. 

“Too bad you can’t skip Sunday service tomorrow.” 

“I would do anything to get out of it.”

“Anything?”

“I mean..I guess not anything.” I shrug. My shoulder brushes against his.

“You might see me there, who knows.” 

“That would be nice..”

“I’ll attend then. Observe. There, I added myself to your contacts. I also downloaded all the essential apps.” He places the phone into my hand.

“Thank you! You’re better at this stuff then me..”

“Well, guess I better go. See you tomorrow maybe.” He stands up, and heads to the window. I follow behind. He smoothly slides out, feet first. “Bye, Rapunzel.” I watch him disappear from my view, my heart is beating erratically it feels like. I close the window shut and switch the latch back, then get into bed. I text Damien thank you, then hide the phone back in its safe place. I close my eyes, embracing the inky darkness. I feel free from tension, and not so worried about tomorrow as much. I think back to his hands gripping my shoulders, and get a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that ruins my relaxation. I decide to ignore this, and keep myself still to bring tomorrow faster.


End file.
